Sine Qua Nonsense

Sine Qua Non-Cents

Dear Newbies (is it alright if I call you newbies? Okay, cool),

You have received a lot of advice about surviving graduate school during orientation and on this blog on Monday. For tips about navigating the building, check out last year’s first Sine Qua Nonsense post.

You’re probably sick of getting recommendations for how to handle certain professors, what classes to take, which bars and restaurants are best, which karaoke nights to sing out of tune at, which shortcuts to take (both geographical and metaphorical), and where to buy your textbooks (answer: the black market, where things are so much cheaper you probably won’t get into the kind of debt they’d have to bust your kneecaps for).

I respect your wishes not to hear more opinions about what you should do (though this is an assumption – I do not respect you enough to actually ask you. Either that, or I’m just lazy). So, instead, I will state introductory departmental facts that may or may not be true. You figure out whether they are. Take off your training wheels and make your own decisions!

Anyway, here are my two non-cents:

  • Never look Paul Wright in the eye or he will wink at you.
  • Harmeet emphasizes the texture of the department, and the texture changes every year. This year it is ice cream-like. Last year it resembled cheesecake. The year before it was non-dairy.
  • The men’s rooms and ladies’ rooms are on different sides on each floor because of the advice of a feng shui expert.
  • All the regional Emmys in the WTIU offices are actually replicas. They keep the originals in a vault at the IMU, protected by a living gargoyle.
  • One of our faculty members has won a Grammy. It was Annie Lang.
  • One of our faculty members voiced Beast in Disney’s Beauty and the Beast. It was Walter Ganz.
  • When your mailboxes and lockers don’t open, it’s because the Telecom Dwarves didn’t have time to clear away their picnic tables and hide.
  • The best way to make a professor like you is to show knowledge about their most current work. Their latest work is on their computer. Hack into it.
  • Rob Potter plays the mandolin, juggles, and ice skates.
  • Neither the FCC nor FTC have approved the Telecom-Journalism-Comm & Culture merger.
  • Before the MS program, Telecom had the MIME program. Despite opposing the closing of the MIME program, the students never spoke up.
  • Gabe used to make bread for everyone every Tuesday. That was back when he was known as Rye-an.
  • A few of the top women in the department hold secret pedicure meetings. You must have perfect toe-nails to be part of the group.


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