Sine Qua Nonsense

Collective New Year’s Resolutions

The first month of 2015 is almost over. Time to check in on the status of different New Year’s resolutions the various groups in our department came up with in December. Have they already broken down and gone back to their bad habits?

Let’s start with the audio people. They declared 2015 the Year of Sound, in which they will make communications researchers realize that there’s more to life than visuals. They’re still working hard, since they know that if they abandoned their resolution, they wouldn’t hear the end of it.

The rest of the ICR lab rats have resolved to change their nickname to something more appealing. “Rats are filthy creatures,” said one graduate student who wished to remain anony-mouse. “Besides, the lab rats are the subjects of experiments, not the ones running them. Can you imagine a study designed by rats? No, and that’s because they’re not smart enough to be scientists!” One month in, they’re still trying to change their nickname, but zap them a few times and they’ll stop.

The game designers and researchers in our department have resolved to play more video games this year, which is a standing resolution they make every year. “Unfortunately, I don’t think they’re sticking to it,” says one faculty member who sits on several students’ committees. “Their productivity and the quality of their work are too damn high. Go sit on your couches and kill some zombies!”

Our economists have come to the conclusion that making New Year’s resolutions is only rational if u(making a change)>u(not making a change). I don’t know what that means. They said that u(spending time of day explaining it to me)<u(ignoring me). I don’t know what that means, either.

In honor of our upcoming move to Franklin Hall, the filmmakers in our department decided late last year to make a movie about the Radio and Television Building. They wish to use the old cameras and microphones showcased near Room 169. It is still in pre-pre-production as they await permission to use the historical equipment. So far, they’ve only written the first line of the script: “EXT. RTV BUILDING – DAY”.

The satire researchers in our department have decided to stop watching new episodes of The Colbert Report. So far, so good. I think this is something we can stick to.

The Faces of NPR, Telecom’s improv group, has not made any resolutions. Planning ahead just isn’t the improv way.

Finally, the Department of Telecommunications as a whole decided to exercise more this year. This idea was ditched by most no later than January 12.

By the way, all the resolutions and quotes above are purely speculative. This custom of choosing to change your life at an arbitrary point in time is foreign to me. This means I did not make a resolution to actually go out and talk to people about their thoughts and feelings.

sine_qua_nonsense

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