Sine Qua Nonsense

Spring Break Destination Guide

Cancun is for undergrads. Florida is for underage drinking. California is for students who never heard the sound of a dial-up modem. We adults, faculty, staff, and graduate students alike, need our own places to go during the one week vacation celebrating the end of winter. It still isn’t too late to make plans for March 15-22, so I present some recommendations for you.

For quantitative researchers who aren’t looking for warmer climates, the best Spring Break destination is Alpha Ridge, Alaska. The temperature never rises above 0.05 degrees at this hiker-lovers’ paradise and sedentary folks’ hell. Take your significant other!

It would be a cliché to recommend Hollywood to our TV and film production students and faculty, some of whom actually worked there in the past. Instead, they should travel to New Zealand to see the breathtaking locations of films such as the Lord of the Rings and Hobbit trilogies. The only problem is that since they would be traveling to the southern hemisphere, this would turn into Fall Break, which at IU is just a three day weekend.

The Telecom staff especially deserves a week off for putting up with all the rest of us. I’m not sure where they should go, but I know where they shouldn’t. Don’t go to Dunder Mifflin headquarters in Scranton, PA. Just stay as far away from The Office as possible.

The Telecom running group should visit Marathon, Greece. For cheap airfare and lodging, negotiate with your travel agents. Don’t let them give you the runaround.

Those of us hard at work laboring over a dissertation, thesis, or other big projects may not have time for a vacation. You should travel to the North Pole, where it is cold and dark and you would not be tempted to leave your hotel room, where you can work all day long. On second thought, the scenery may be too beautiful. Better yet, look up the most dangerous cities in the United States to choose your destination. If you want to work on a long flight, look up the worst cities in the whole wide world.

Since St. Patrick’s Day is during Spring Break, you may want to travel to Ireland. If you do, please do not attempt an Irish accent. It will probably sound terrible, somebody may punch you in a pub (not necessarily an Irish person), and a leprechaun will put a curse on you.

Finally, remember that there is always the possibility of a staycation. The best staycation destination for Bloomington residents is, by definition, Bloomington. If you want a semi-staycation, travel to Bloomington, Illinois, a few hours away from here. On the welcome sign at the entrance to the city, please spray the following message: “You sure you didn’t mean to type ‘Bloomington, IN’ into your GPS app?”


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